27. I'm That Person

The person who sits and watches everyone else be themselves.

The person who thinks it's better to see everyone live their dreams because I'm too afraid to pick one.

The person who picks a dream, gives that dream 110% and end with doubt.

The person who never stops on believing that there is a reason: a reaon to be worth mentioning.

The person who accepts Christ to reject that selfish need to be noticed and love.

But never seems to fully let go.

The person who cant stand being alone.

But rather be alone than being hurt.

Even though being alone hurts.

Wants to accept that God is all she needs.

But still cant understand why.

I'm that person who can't deal with the fact that someone loves her.

26. Birthday

So my birthday isn't until technically tomorrow but whatever. 

This morning on my way to church, a brother in Christ asked me, "Now that you're 24, do you feel any different?" Usually my answer would be no because it just feels like another day. Then I really thought about it... My whole life changed when I truly denied myself and desires and accepted the Lord. A year I thought I was where I am today. I thought I was loving the Lord with all my heart and soul but then it got to me. I only loved him because He gave me what I wanted the most. Earthy Love. Love from my ex fiancé, friends, and church family. I didn't realize that the love I should be grateful for is God's love. Him and him alone. I praise God for every trial that happen. From the break up to disband to knowing who my real father was to seeing my parents on the edge of divorce to being shunned by family because my faith was offending them... If Christ was not working in my life I wouldn't be writing this. 

In a year I've learned how to study God's word, obey, and teach. I've learned how to counsel through scripture and not experience alone. I've learned to love others again. Learned how to love myself again. I've learned how to be an adult... I've learned how to say NO. I've learned to glorify the Lord in everything that I do. Praise God for His grace. 

I sat there and cried over and over again because HE LOVES ME. God has been working in my life and I can't even grasp why. No greater love to show me all of this. I was overwhelmed with all the changes and people He brought. From Crossview to Santa Monica Church to other individuals who are believers... I was never alone. So whenever you feel like you're going through something and your faith has been tested: 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4