10. Moving Forward

I'm not going to say much about what's been going on in my life but I will say this:

There are those who you think should last in your life forever.

There are those who you think deserve a place in your heart.

But sometimes, they won't let you be a part of them

Sometimes they don't want to hear you out

And sometimes you just have to let God take of everything after you tried every inch of you to help them.

I've been patient with the one person who's so special to me

And the only thing I can say is that I wish and pray that God will save her.

9. Growing

For the past five months, I finally realized that God has been working through me all my life. God has blessed me with the people who I face with everyday.

Back Then:

• My family would mentally abuse me because I was different. The only thing I would do is cry or ignore everything, or at least try to. I learned to be passive with every situation when it came to my family. 
• Depression was the death of me and that's all I can say that's how I can remember living. When you have no hope in your life you don't want to live. In my mind, I always thought there was no point. There was nothing to live for or nothing to lose. 
• Loneliness was my only companion. 
• I had no idea where I mattered. I didn't understand why I was put on this earth for. Life to me was only through my understanding. I never understood why anything happened: why did I suffer as much as I did. 

Now:

• God is my life. The moment I accepted Christ as my savior, I am more aware of my sins. I am more aware of how to handle things on this earth. 
• I'm hungry and thirsty for Christ. 
• I'm not as anxious as I use to be. Honestly that's a big thing.
• I trust God
• I'm learning how to handle situation and not feel alone because

God has been working through me this whole time and I'm at awe for everything that he's done for me. I'm beginning to understand the reasons why I go through life struggles. He's been calling me. For many years I've been in deep depression and all I felt was darkness. I felt trapped and hopeless. I can't really explain how great it feels to be a slave of Christ. Don't get me wrong, it's not always rainbows and butterflies but it's a lot easier to handle. I have hope. I have God.