Who I am

Here's a list of things I want to point out how I am and what I do.

Sing
Dance
Write music
Act out my life
I tend to think my life is a movie. I'm not being stuck up or anything but half the things that happen in my life is pretty cliche

I say I'm okay when I never am
I'm clinically depressed
I don't take my anti-depressants
I'm not all that smart
I don't trust anyone
I write out my emotions
I talk about myself a lot
I usually think about how I'm gonna die; wether I do it myself or an accident, or being sick.
I can't handle anything
When people say I'm strong I want punch them in the face
I honestly think my dad isn't my dad
I fall for a guy way to fast
I'm always feeling alone even with people around me
Singing is my only escape
Idk if I believe in God anymore
I don't think I love myself anymore
I'm confused almost everyday
I'm always upset over nothing
I constanly wonder why I'm in this world
I think how I am is pathetic

I hate being sad
I hate how I pretend that I don't want things
I hate how I show that I'm okay to make everyone smile

I wish I can choose to be happy...

I love my family
I love my friends
I love to sing and dance
I like new adventures

I'm scared of everything.

For what it's worth I knew that this was going to happen. This always happens. I'm to scared to tell someone how I feel but it doesn't even matter for the fact that the person does not have any feelings for me. Even though through all that knowing I still went for it. I wanted to try. No matter how much I waned to say I give up so many reasons told me not to. I wrote 4 songs because of him. Three in one month and within the three songs one of them we wrote together. It's just not fair. I'm so afraid of telling my feelings but I'm never afraid to sing it out and write it down for everyone to see. It doesn't even make any sense. You try so hard to just be yourself and just try to let the other person know who you are. It's not like he dissed me or anything. I mean we're still friends and I'm okay with that. I'd rather have him as my friend than nothing at all. There's so many more out there I guess you can say. But the thing is I had my heart set out for this one. He wasn't perfect. I didn't like that he had tatoos, or he liked piercings, he occasionally smokes weed. Those are all my turn offs. Nothing. He turned out to be my exception. But I don't think I'll ever be his. My name is Lyn, how is your heart?

I hate being a girl sometimes

The type of girl who just dwell on "maybe" bullshit that everyone seems to love so much. Maybe he does like you, "you never know" You never fucking know!!!! If it's not there once it'll never be there. One random visit late in the night doesn't mean he's interested. He's just being a friend. I really hate myself.

What I HATE the Most

When you like someone and you have no idea if they feel the same way. You might have hints that points to no but you don't want to figure it out because you're too scared to know what it really is. Because deep down they know exactly what it is...

Crashing Walls

What does it take to really know how someone feels? I don't wanna to say I've fallen for someone but I can say I got it bad. Something I really wish doesn't really happen to me. I'm not suppose to like anyone for the fact I look and read into every little detail. That shouldn't really be happening to anyone actually. Beacause ths moment you let your gaurd down that's it. Everything goes downhill from there. Only the lucky ones don't get that downfall. I know this has happened to me all before and i know it's going to happen again. But for some reason I try every possible reason to not let someone get to me. How does one day affect everything that you've worked hard for? I've faught every other person who tried to get through me but this one, so effortless, he got through. Now everything has come down with one visit, one hug, one smile. . . It just doesn't seem fair. I'm terrified and can't keep it together...