Due to recent events I haven't been allowing myself to share what's been going on. I don't even remember what was the last thing I shared other than what I've been going through spiritually.
Musically: The last time I did a show was in July 2015 at the Whiskey A Go Go with my new band. It was an amazing show! The fact that most of the people who were there were all new in my life. I was blessed to see old faces again as well. It gave me a sense of humbleness because I didn't think people would show and I didn't know people actually supported me. Anyways it was an amazing experience for one reason my new band were all christian not saying that non christians don't play well or anything I just felt that everyone would understand the goal of my music and why we perform was for God and not for money or fame or something else I wouldn't know about. Point is, we perform to give glory to God not others or ourselves. I'd like to have a mutual understanding on that.
After a few months of not really doing anything, I decided to share what my plans were. They're still my plans don't get me wrong I just had a set back. Small story short, I would like to write music about how God changed my life so that I would share it to whoever can hear it. Maybe share the gospel. For now, I'll try to share songs that helped me see God's grace. The way God showed himself to me is music and I'd like to give it back the best I know how; writing, singing, performing, and sharing. With that being said I'll be doing a cover series on YouTube. Worship Series. A playlist of what saved me and what keeps me going to live God's purpose. I hope you will be encouraged in some way or maybe you might enjoy it.
Thank you for reading.
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Sunday, September 13, 2015
29. Don't Let the Past Win Your Future
I can never really take back what happened in the past. There's nothing anyone else can do for the fact that it's already been done. People say you live, learn, and move on. For the past few weeks I felt like my past has been haunting me. I've been sucked in a lapse where all my failures and loneliness was getting the better of me. You ever felt so alone you'd rather be somewhere where no one really knows you and you're free to just be another person? For days I've been having a desire of moving or just packing whatever I have and just leave and pray that God will handle the rest. I wanted to run even though I didn't have a direction to run to. I mean it'd be obvious to run to the Lord and try to see where the root of my sin was.
One day, I almost lost it. The only problem was I didn't even know who or where to go. The only thing that kept running my mind was "No one knows what you're going through and no one cares" I can an old friend from college who is a non believer. We'd get along really well, have deep conversations, and high level of respects when it came to our passion for the arts. The whole I wanted to explain but I usually have a problem articulating my thoughts and emotions. I don't think people really understand the crazy in my mind... Anyways, we eventually talked about my "unfortunate" situation. My key words we I felt lonely and purposeless. The way he tried to describe the way I should live was to be independent. There's nothing really wrong with that but what was he really talking about? He was trying to emphasize how being independent can make someone content in life. As I listened to my friend talk about being content in every situation (be happy when you're sad at certain situations) I felt like I ran into a wall.
Some people do care at a point but that should not be the source of your hope. Where people lack Christ DOES NOT. My friend wanted to voice how people will fail you (which I agree on completely)that's why we need to rely on ourselves (not so much) I told him the only way I can get through anything is through Christ. "Then why do you feel alone all the time?" he asked. I sat there and thought I'm not always lonely, I'm usually content with my life. I started to explain how I'm a human and I tend to fall off track and need a good help here and there to remind myself I trust in the Lord. I explained to him how why my world has been different since I finished the music program at LACC. I have a whole different perspective on how I run my life. Here's another thing I always have to remember, I DON'T RUN MY LIFE. I sat in awe talking to my friend on how blessed I feel to know that I'm not in control of my life. God is in total control of every aspect of this world. "I feel that's just being lazy" he says "that's like a parent spoiling their child and God is spoiling Christians." I had to really think about that. The difference between human parents and God is that parents fall short: they fail but my God does not. God wants to have a relationship with you anyways! God is a FATHER who wants a relationship with you. What does a child do? ASK their parents. Children learn and disobey I'm not ashamed how I long for Christ everyday. If I'm spoiled, then I'm spoiled. Everything will be done at the time He wants it to happen. Weather it would be having a new job, a new apartment, a new life, a husband... His purpose is far more better than what I thought my purpose is.
I was not content. I complained on how no one understands me and I feel alone. I complained about how life doesn't make any sense. I thought I did what I did just to find worth or purpose. My purpose is not known but God is always working in my life. I didn't trust in God.
So as I sat there talking to my friend I wanted to slap myself in the face. First of all talking to a non believer about your faith is not the best idea. They don't understand the depth of the struggles you face. They can voice what they believe. God gave me that test so that I know my faith in God is real. It's not perfect but it's real. Second, I knew how to solve my problems, praying and reading the word. There's nothing like God's word to save your soul. Don't ever think you don't have a purpose. Don't ever think God is working you too much. Rely on Him whenever wherever all the time. ALL THE TIME.
Trust and Love God.
One day, I almost lost it. The only problem was I didn't even know who or where to go. The only thing that kept running my mind was "No one knows what you're going through and no one cares" I can an old friend from college who is a non believer. We'd get along really well, have deep conversations, and high level of respects when it came to our passion for the arts. The whole I wanted to explain but I usually have a problem articulating my thoughts and emotions. I don't think people really understand the crazy in my mind... Anyways, we eventually talked about my "unfortunate" situation. My key words we I felt lonely and purposeless. The way he tried to describe the way I should live was to be independent. There's nothing really wrong with that but what was he really talking about? He was trying to emphasize how being independent can make someone content in life. As I listened to my friend talk about being content in every situation (be happy when you're sad at certain situations) I felt like I ran into a wall.
Some people do care at a point but that should not be the source of your hope. Where people lack Christ DOES NOT. My friend wanted to voice how people will fail you (which I agree on completely)that's why we need to rely on ourselves (not so much) I told him the only way I can get through anything is through Christ. "Then why do you feel alone all the time?" he asked. I sat there and thought I'm not always lonely, I'm usually content with my life. I started to explain how I'm a human and I tend to fall off track and need a good help here and there to remind myself I trust in the Lord. I explained to him how why my world has been different since I finished the music program at LACC. I have a whole different perspective on how I run my life. Here's another thing I always have to remember, I DON'T RUN MY LIFE. I sat in awe talking to my friend on how blessed I feel to know that I'm not in control of my life. God is in total control of every aspect of this world. "I feel that's just being lazy" he says "that's like a parent spoiling their child and God is spoiling Christians." I had to really think about that. The difference between human parents and God is that parents fall short: they fail but my God does not. God wants to have a relationship with you anyways! God is a FATHER who wants a relationship with you. What does a child do? ASK their parents. Children learn and disobey I'm not ashamed how I long for Christ everyday. If I'm spoiled, then I'm spoiled. Everything will be done at the time He wants it to happen. Weather it would be having a new job, a new apartment, a new life, a husband... His purpose is far more better than what I thought my purpose is.
I was not content. I complained on how no one understands me and I feel alone. I complained about how life doesn't make any sense. I thought I did what I did just to find worth or purpose. My purpose is not known but God is always working in my life. I didn't trust in God.
So as I sat there talking to my friend I wanted to slap myself in the face. First of all talking to a non believer about your faith is not the best idea. They don't understand the depth of the struggles you face. They can voice what they believe. God gave me that test so that I know my faith in God is real. It's not perfect but it's real. Second, I knew how to solve my problems, praying and reading the word. There's nothing like God's word to save your soul. Don't ever think you don't have a purpose. Don't ever think God is working you too much. Rely on Him whenever wherever all the time. ALL THE TIME.
Trust and Love God.
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