36. My Past

I feel like I've written something like this before. Something about the past haunting you. The devil reminding you of all the sins you've ever done...

I've learned in the past 4 years about how Jesus took all of our sins. That He's forgiven my past, present and future. I've learned to love myself by loving Him first. Loving Him before others.

I regret everything that I've done. I am ashamed. The devil will always try to use that against me.

When you're new to a church and no one really knows who you were before you became a believer you sometimes forget.

You forget how God took you out of the darkness.

I've been serving and desiring God ever since I knew I was heading nowhere but hell. I didn't care about what people thought of me anymore. I just wanted to please the Lord. I started going to a new church and everyone saw how I love the Lord.

Now that someone new has come to my life and pursues me, as a body of Christ they will intervene and make sure that I know to be cautious. Because of his past. Although it wasn't as bad as mine, yes it was sinful. Praise God He didn't allow it to happen for him.

He was honest. I couldn't help but cry because who's to say he shouldn't be more cautious of me?

If they knew would they make the same remarks about me? 

I cried and cried because there's nothing I can do to take it back.

But by the grace of God, Jesus washed it away. The old me is dead and God gave me life.

When Jesus asks Peter "Do you love me" Three times. and in Peter said yes...

Even after Peter denied Jesus. Jesus still wanted him.

I am reminded that Jesus still wants me.

I feared for the longest time that I would push those who wanted to care for me because I didn't deserve to love anyone or others loving me. I had it set in my brain that if it was in the Lord's will for me to be single for the rest of my life I am very content with it.

I didn't want to hurt anyone. Like how I hurt the last person I thought I would never hurt.

God allows us to grow in different times in our lives. God has given us different paths. But all to glorify Him is our purpose.

The devil will always remind you of your sins. He will always try to tell you that because of your brokenness God cannot use you.

But God will use your brokenness to glorify Him. We have a God who wants YOU, in spite of what you've ever done. That is grace. There's nothing to great or to small that God will not take care of.

For Jesus said "it is finished."