I don't understand why I completely shut myself down. I don't want to deal with anything or with anymore. I ALWAYS end up feeling like I did something wrong. I don't understand why. My life is changing everyday and I can't even grab a hold of anything. Nothing makes any sense when it comes to the people I cared about. I thought they would always have my back. People aren't perfect I understand that but why lie and make someone else feel bad about it. I've lost one friend after another. I thought everyone was fine because everyone has things going on for them. They have relationships, school, jobs anything! Why bring up the past? Why didn't anyone tell me anything about what they feel. instead of hiding it for so long and end up hating me.
I knew I wasn't stupid. Everyone has their own lives to deal with. That' perfectly understandable. People change I get it. So I lost all my best friends and ended up being with one of them. I guess our friendship didn't matter after all. I'll walk away then.
I can't grasp this at all. Like I want to fix this but it's not like anything is going to change. God confuses me almost all the time but I just hope all of this will make sense to me. I mean His understanding is far greater than my own. I'm human. I just wish I knew you know? But everything will come out eventually the way God intended to happen. And in all honesty that's all I can hope for.
I need prayer though. If anyone actually reads these: Please pray that I find peace in my chaotic mind.
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