6. Living with Unbelievers

Please tell me if it's wrong to walk away from your parents. After all the hard work they've done for you to be alive, you walk away. Here's the catch though, for many years they've made you feel like you've been a problem or you haven't done anything for them or they make you feel worthless. How many times am I going to let my family step all over me? How long am I going to let everyone judge me for something I'm not. How many times will I have to feel guilty even though I haven't done anything wrong? 

This was why my faith with God was so shaky. I didn't have that loved feeling when I was growing up. Judged was more like it. I had to reach high expectations and when I met them it was nothing to them. I tried my very best to make everyone happy I forgot about my own happiness. The questions I would always ask to God "Why me? What did I do to deserve this pain?" The only thing I felt was how much I deserved to be treated bad. That I deserved being alone when there were people surrounding me. 

Why do I have to live in place where I'm surrounded by unbelievers? What can I do when I want to talk to someone about my walk with Christ all they will do is judge me. Why do I have to face a group where the only thing they do is gossip and only talk about money and call them my family? 

Through all of this, God has given me my fiancé. I've gone through this on my own countless of times but I always end up wanting to kill myself. God has sent someone who reminds me that God is there to protect my heart. That I should trust him my questions are not "why me?" but "please give me strength" I don't want to crawl anymore. I want to walk with Christ forever. God has given me my future husband who's family already treats me like blood. The way my family has never treated me. I told my fiancé last night, "you know as much as I love the whole family thing, I don't know how that feels. I've never felt that."For the past few months I've been feeling that love with his family and from church. My relationship with Christ has grown, and I can't even explain how amazing that feels. The most amazing part about all of this is that I'm learning to not only trust in other people but trust in God. The fact that I trust anyone at is something. 

God is saving me from my own death. I'm so grateful of all that things he's done for me. It's not easy to live like this but I trust in God and thank him for all the blessings, the struggles, and the people he's given me to get through this world. Without them, I would be lost forever.