Update with my biological father:
So he contacted me on facebook. I'm pretty sure it took a lot for him to do that but I wasn't so sure how to feel about it. I never met the guy for crying out loud. There's nothing I could tell him. He wanted to know if I could give him a chance to talk to him and get to know him. He said he's been waiting for me. All I could think about is how he left my mother when she was pregnant. I felt abandoned.
My mom came by the house and I haven't seen her in like 3 weeks becasue she flew out to the Philippines for that long. Anyways, before that, I finally told her how I felt about the whole situation. I told her how I hurt I was for the fact that she lied to me for my whole life. She didn't think it was a lie becasue she "never" had the chance to tell me the truth. "We were never open" was her reason. There was one time I asked her when I was 13. She made me feel guilty becasue she made it seem like I never appreciated and loved my father who raised me. I LOVE HIM! He took me as his own. Who would ever not appreciate that? She made me feel like a bad person. Like I never appreciated anyone in my life. I was thirteen and she took that from me. I never asked her again. But growing up I felt alone. I told her becasue I didn't know I was always distant from everyone. I was always different alone and wanted to know why. And she chose to hide it from me. She finally tells me after an argument because I'm getting married soon. Of all the times you could've spoken to me about it, you choose the time where I'm ready to give my life to another man. I didn't hold anything about that day. All she wanted to do was have me talk to him. I wasn't ready. I'm not ready to have another man in my life. It's so difficult for me to grasp that this is all happneing to me.
She went to my room and gave me her phone and he was on the other line. I wanted to throw the phone in her face but I heard his voice. He sounded so happy to hear mine. I couldn't feel a thing. I wasn't so sure if I should feel mad or upset all I knew that I wasn't ready for any of it. after 22 years we finally met and he's happy. I got to know a little about him and I'm still not sure how to feel. My life would've been so different if I had met him a long time ago. While I'm gettting to know him I feel like we're so alike in so many ways. He asked me about me going to the Philippines to get to know each other. I never gave him a for sure answer but who has an actual answer for that? He wanted to take 3 to 4 weeks. I have a life here. I can't just leave. I'd rather have Nehi go with me.
All in all, I still don't know how to feel about all of this. God has a plan for me. I'm leaving it all to him.
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